i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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