Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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