If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
