my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
