I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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