the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
