Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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