she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
