never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
