really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
