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• (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

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• (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?

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• (518): View more from New York

  I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  ...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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• (801): View more from Utah

  The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.

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