I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV