chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
