so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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