she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
