Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
