Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
