can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
