I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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