I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
