You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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