he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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