I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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