i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
