I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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