Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
