OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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