I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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