is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
