the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
