Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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