Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
