Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
