he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
