So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
