Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
