Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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