I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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