I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
they need to just BURY HIM!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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