The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize