You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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