Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I want is dick and wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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