Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
