PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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