Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am one with the molecules
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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