There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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