the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
