I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
