My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
