I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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