dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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