Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
