She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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