That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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