I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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