apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
