You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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