Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
