my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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