I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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