if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
