I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Farmville is her only friend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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