so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
