Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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