My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
