apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
