Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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