What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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