Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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